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What did I do?

Journal Entry: Sun Jun 2, 2013, 10:45 PM


Everyone is entitled to their opinion. Everyone will judge and be judged themselves. People will always talk no matter what.

Yet, if I have an opinion for anything they tell me, suddenly I'm the biggest judgemental bitch in the entire universe to them.

Seriously, guys, if I tell you something to me seems off about x or y thing you did, I'm not telling you because I'm better than you. I tell you what I think because I care about you and I really do not like to see you hurt.

Something that keeps popping up whenever someone freaks out about my judgement: What did I do?

Did I leave you by yourself when you needed me? Did I betray you and hurt you? Did I pick on you just for kicks? did I sleep with your boyfriend? Did I spread rumors about you? Did I run over your pet? Did I kill you?

I don't know what to do. If I stay quiet, I'm plotting against them. If I talk, I'm better than them. If I pull away, I'm a frosty bitch. If I'm too caring, I'm a motherly smotherer.

This leads me to always question myself and view the world in shades of black and white. I cannot cope with gray in any areas of my life. If I'm your friend, then you know that everything I say and do is to try and help you. I am a very selfless person. I think of others before I think of myself, and maybe that's why this mess has happened.

What did I do?

  • Listening to: people talking
Staring evilly unto the cursed thing, I growled beneath my breath. This damned thing was meant to stick and set within thirty minutes of preparation and needed at least 24 hours to dry, or so the said the box.

"Why is it that life Rick-rolls me like this," I say low, trying not to catch the attention of my parents as I deal with the life-cast of plaster from the sculpture I had made about a week back. "You stupid piece of crap. You were supposed to be dry a day ago."

Sighing, I took one of the many sculpting paraphernalia I had strewn around my workspace. It was a wicked thing, made of a wooden handle and sharp metal hoops of different sizes on each end. It looked like an instrument of torture from some faraway land. Grinning like a madwoman, I sat by the cursed thing. Catching sight of myself in my pijamas on the mirrored closet door I stopped. I did look crazy and it was creepy.

I pulled the cursed plaster cast closer to me and ignored with a cringe my reflection on the mirror. Gently, but not too softly, I began to pull pieces of modeling clay away from the evil plaster. Chunks of its white evilness stuck to the crimson color of the clay, making it look like some reverse macabre piece of flesh torn away from a helpless prey. A shiver ran down my spine as I rolled up the bits of clay that I removed by hand.

"I need to stop reading detective books," I half-whispered, half-spoke to myself. My mom peeked her head in and asked if I had told something to her. I smiled up at her, knowing it didn't quite reach my eyes and told her that I was just cursing my work to hell and back for not being dry to the touch. She shrugged and told me not to go to bed at 12 and left me alone with my macabre scene.

I took a deep breath and took the loop tools to carve the modeling clay away from the plaster. Ribbons of red peeled away as I worked diligently upon my piece. I moved the cast a little sideways from time to time to catch whatever piece of red I missed from the awkward position of the tentacles. I giggled a little to myself. Tentacles were going to be the final masterpiece to all this pain.

A tiny piece of plaster fell away from place and I flinched. I stopped whatever I was doing and left it like that. Hopefully the next day it would be dry enough for me to continue my slaughter, ahem, work.

------------------------------------------------------------

This goes out to a friend of mine that loves reading my random musings.
  • Listening to: my stomach arguing with me
  • Watching: my work
Comment upon this awesome journal post and I shall:

1. Tell you something I'll learn about you by looking at your dA page for 13 seconds.
2. Tell you which color you remind me of.
3. Tell you my first memory of you.
4. Tell you what pokemon you remind me of.
5. Ask you something I've always wondered about you, and your answer has to be as vague as possible to keep the suspense.
6. Tell you my favorite thing about you.
7. Give you a weird nickname
8. Tell you what's on my shirt right now.
9. Challenge you to post this on your journal

No, seriously, comment.
  • Listening to: the faint murmur in the back
  • Watching: tv
1) Name: Ivonne
2) Name Backwards: Evonni
3) Were you named after anyone?: My mom's best friend
4) Does your name mean anything?: Its originally a German name... it means Yew, or Young Archer
5) Nick Name(s): Ivy, Bon-Bon, Sugar T*ts, Boobie Lady, Talking Cleavage... uh... yeah...
6) Screen Name(s): Midnight-Ivy
7) Date of Birth: December 16
8) Place of Birth: PR
10) Current Location: My little study room
11) Sign: Sagittarius
12) Religion: Self proclaimed Gnostic
13) Height: 5'6"
14) Weight: 158
15) Shoe Size: 9
16) Hair color: Currently, flame red
17) Eye color: Hazel/green
18) What you look like: Like an acoustic guitar, upside down
19) Innie or Outie: innie!
20) Righty, Lefty, ambidextrous: Righty!
21) Gay, Straight, Bi, or Other: Straight!
22) Best friend(s): I don't pick and choose, but only those that can stand my whining are my best friends
23) Best friend you trust the most: All of the above
24) Best friends {your sex}: Steph and Rhizo
25) Best friends of the opposite sex: Elvin, Alex, Alfonso, Roi
26) Best Bud(s): Kidany~!!
27) Boyfriend / Girlfriend: Boyfriend!!!!
28) Crush: I will admit it out loud... I have a fangirl attraction to a rather steamy fiction writer, but its not quite a crush... just a lot of admiration!
29) Parent(s): 2.
30) Worst Enemy: Benzene, Hydrochloric Acid and my Chemistry professor!!!
31) Favorite on-line Guy(s): Mihael and Connorish (though I only talked once to the latter)
32) Favorite on-line Girl(s): Rhizo! We talk a lot about nothing!!!
33) Funniest friend: Chino... cause he's awesome!
34) Craziest friend: V. 'Nuff said.
35) Advice Friend: I'm the sage of the six paths in all my friendships...
36) Loudest Friend: Myself?
37) Person you cry with: Steph
Do You Have...

38) Any sisters: None
39) Any brothers: One
40) Any pets: Diceased. They were old
41) A Disease: I have a heart condition
42) A Pager: lolwut?
43) A Personal phone line: Nope
44) A Cell phone: Yeah! One of them flippy text phones

45) A Lava lamp: Yep, until I broke it
46) A Pool or hot tub: In my dreams
47) A Car: A white Ford Focus

Describe Your...

48) Personality: People Person
49) Driving: Fast, but controlled... I only speed 5 miles over the limit..
50) Car or one you want: MUSTANG!!!!!
51) Room: Like a shipwrek
52) Mmh: Mmmmmmmmmmmhhhh!
53) School: homey
54) Bed: Queen sized, with 2 pillows, a stuffed animal and a thick comforter.
55) Relationship with your parent(s): Funky

Do You...

56) Believe in yourself: Hell yeah!
57) Believe in love at first sight?: No
58) Consider yourself a good listener: Yeah
60) Get Along with your parents: I try my best
61) Save your e-mail conversations: nope
62) Pray: sometimes
63) Believe in reincarnation: yeah
64) Like to make fun of people: YES!
66) Like to eat: Yes pleasE!
67) Like to drive: Ohhh yeaaaaaah!
68) Get motion sickness: Nope
69) Eat the stems of broccoli: only if it's well cooked. i hate it when it's half cooked and stringy!
70) Eat Chicken fingers with a fork: Fingers... >.> unless I have to be civilized
71) Dream in color: Don't remember
72) Type with your fingers on home row: nope
73) Sleep with a stuffed animal: I try to... he mysteriously ends across the room

What Is...?

74) Right next to you: A pen
75) On the walls of your room: My achievements... ya know like diplomas and stuff... I never look at them.
76) On your mouse pad: Nothing. I have a laptop
77) Your dream car: A black Chevy Impala, '87.
78) Your dream date: Involves lots of steamy stuff...
79) Your dream honeymoon spot: Greece, by the beach!
80) Your dream husband: Someone that understands me, is willing to submit to me, yet is strong enough to dominate me
81) Your bedtime: whenever my head hits the pillow.
82) Under your bed: My shoes...
83) The single most important question: What did I do?
84) Your bad time of the day: When I can't relax to go to sleep
85) Your worst fear(s): I have a fear of heights, an intense fear of centipedes, and a mild fear of clowns
86) The weather like: cloudy, but with some sun
87) The time: 11:23
88) The date: July 23th
89) The best trick you ever played on someone: Pulled a chair on someone that was going to sit down... in a restaurant
90) The weirdest food or drink that you like: I like masago on my Sushi. People think it's weird...
91) Theme Song: "Stand Still, Look Pretty" by the Wreckers
92) The hardest thing about growing up: Moving out of the house and start living on another town.
93) Your funniest experience: Getting a raspberry blown on my neck in order to cheer me up. It was weird, but i couldn't stop laughing afterwards!
94) Your scariest moment: When my dad went into a coma due to a sugar attack
95) The silliest thing you've ever said: "I can flirt to hell and back. When you have boobs like mine, it is a natural thing!"
96) The funniest or most desperate thing you've done to get the attention of the opposite sex: Learn to play Yu-Gi-Oh cards, and win.
97) The scariest thing that's ever happened while with your friend(s): We got lost in another town...
100) 5 people you tag:

:iconrhizo:
:iconconnorish:
:icondiraiko:
:iconpirikiriko:
:icontonedeaf44:
  • Listening to: the fan in the corner
  • Reading: My facebook status
  • Watching: tv
I got the right thing for you! You need: 1) random person to talk to, 2)someone you care about, 3)Some one related to you, 4) a beer and 5) a freshly cut lemon. By the time you're through, you'll feel like a new person, I guarantee it!

Here's the procedure:

After you've been trolled, go find someone to talk to. It could be that person in your messenger that randomly added you, and never talks to you, but believe me, it works when you need to vent.

Next, call up someone you care about, be that a boyfriend, girlfriend, best friend, worst enemy... The point is, you need someone that gives a crap about you that is still not related to you, but will make you feel good about yourself.

Now, after you're done venting and cooling down, it's time for the pick-me-up. Go with someone related to you, Brother, sister, cousin, aunt, uncle, mom, gramps... ya get the drill... They have to be old enough to purchase alcoholic beverages though... and go drink a beer or your favorite mixed or straight drink. Share the experience of the trolling with them before you finish your drink.

After you're done, suck on a lemon. The sour taste will make you realize how funny it is to get angry at someone stupid who was thinking they could hurt you with something dumb.


‎*Warning* Drink with caution. Don't drink and drive. If you can, don't go past one drink. The point is to relax and laugh at the troll... not to get shit-faced.

Now that you've done this, go on with your day.
  • Listening to: the fan in the corner
  • Reading: My facebook status
  • Watching: tv

cosplay picking

Journal Entry: Sun Jun 13, 2010, 8:39 PM


I definetly do great budgeting and work my ass off for my costumes... but I wish that I could just stop picking complicated costumes!

My Tali costume was great! But it was a pain to design the helmet and to put the head rig and the visor. Now I have to replace my visor because it somewhat melted cause of the heat.

My next costume list goes something like this:

Sylvanas Windrunner WotLK version (Planned for Matsuri-con)
Eleanor Lamb, Big sister vers. (Maybe for Kaisen)
Haven Trooper from MGS4 (No date yet)
Princess Rozalin from Disgaea 2 (no date yet)

I've thought about trying to make a "Mistress of Pain" one from Diablo 3, but that would take so much money... and so much time.

Gaaaaaaaaaah! I'm gonna go crazy with them outfits!

  • Listening to: the fan in the corner
  • Reading: Anita Blake The Laughing Corpse comics
  • Drinking: water
Here goes nothing... I'm gonna try and post some pictures I took of a drawing... It looks crappy, but meh! I'll do it anyway!
  • Listening to: the voices in my head
Well, this is what I get for not figuring out how DA works earlier. Anyway, I guess I can use this place to tally up my cosplay attempts.

Cosplays To Do:
Sniper Wolf - Metal Gear Solid and Metal Gear Solid: Twin Snakes
Masane Amaha - Witchblade Anime
Tali'Zorah nar Rayya - Mass Effect
Big Sister - Bioshock 2

I pick such complicated costumes...@_@
  • Listening to: people talking